Two Sides of Me
by miikarin
Summary: Ken is reflecting about his life in general and how he can't seem to do anything right. It has a poem in it and it has just a touch of angst.


**A/N: This is my first Weiß Kreuz fanfic and it really all revolves around the poem. I had this idea for some time and then I made the poem and incorporated it into this story. **

I think I'll stick to writing poetry and one-shots at the present moment because they require less commitment and are like stepping stones to much higher level of working. This means that I probably won't be updating "Promise to Live" or "Prayers Unanswered" for some time...Sorry! 

Please read and review because I'm toying with the idea of a prequel. 

Disclaimer: Weiß Kreuz isn't mine and neither are the characters. The poem and idea are mine though. 

* * *

A pebble was tossed into the water and the resulting waves that flowed broke the still calm of the water's surface. The reflection of the sky wavered and blurred, the blue mixing with white. A bird flew high above the sky and skimmed the tree tops with its wings. The flowers that lined the banks waved gently in the breeze and faced the life giving sun, while inviting insects to drink their nectar. A path wove its way through the trees and widened upon meeting the clearing. 

A figure stood there, still and silent. The man was just staring into the air and wondering so many things. Lost in thought, he didn't notice all the animals that gathered around to inspect the mysterious 'statue' that appeared where they normally tread upon the earth to search for food. 

He knew that he had been there for a long time and was just wasting time, but he enjoyed it. He enjoyed the quiet sense of peace that was showered onto him the moment he stepped onto the clearing. He enjoyed the light atmosphere that this place provided. It had become his refuge. He had found this clearing by pure accident, one day while riding around, he was startled when a deer had leapt in front of his motorcycle. He swerved to avoid it and barely missed it. The deer then walked through a copse of trees and he, thinking that he hit it, though looking back at it now he didn't know why he cared so much, followed it. He found a deer trail and chanced upon the clearing on a day quite like this one. He had found the deer to be injure free, as it bounded with agility at the slightest rustling of the grass underneath his shoes. Then he got his first glimpse of the lake, and decided that he would stay there for some time. 

He just let his thoughts and dreams take him away. Lift him high and stay there, in his own world where there were no imperfections to mar the beautiful scenery. A place that was quiet, like where he currently was. He loved to get away from the daily noise of the city, the loud cars, factories, and also from other people. It wasn't like he was afraid or frightened, it just overloaded him once in a while, although he would never show it, especially to a complete stranger. 

He thought back to what had happened that day, that resulted in one of his, becoming frequent, visits to this lake. He tried to forget, but his mind just kept insisting to think about it. He dropped it. It was no big deal, but of course, that's not what 'Mr. Perfect' thought. Nooooo, he had lighted under him and if he was currently holding anything else at that moment, he was sure he would have dropped it. 

_'I'm too clumsy,'_ he thought bitterly, _'I can't ever be like him, he just doesn't understand.'_ He tried so hard not to drop things, but Aya never noticed, instead he noticed the times Ken did drop something. 

Another sigh was heard and then he walked from the clearing. _'Oh well, another busy day at Koneko, might as well get there to take my shift before the other two get mad at me.'_ With that, he put on his helmet and roared away from the trees. 

He arrived at Koneko no Sume Ie and pushed his way past the usual groups of fangirls crowding the shop. He put on his apron and started attending to the girls who actually looked midly interested in buying anything. He glanced over to Aya and just as quickly went back to his own business when the other met his eyes. This was his second shift with him this day and the tension between them was mounting considerably. The fangirls didn't seem to notice or they simply didn't care, as long as the guys were there. 

_'How long can this day get?'_ Ken thought miserably, but still continued to meet the demands of the paying customers. 

* * *

Finally it was time to close the shop and by that time Ken felt that he had been run ten times over with by an 18 wheel truck. The rest of the day had not gone as planned, in fact, it ended with a big bang. That is, Ken dropped yet another pot and didn't even have to face Aya to feel the daggers stabbing his back from Aya's glare. 

Youji and Omi tried to take Ken's mind away from the events, but they didn't really help. Youji by now had gotten used to Aya's glare and Omi didn't take Aya that seriously, saying that Aya was just like that, and he means no harm. _'Uhuh, that's why I am scared of him when he glares and shoots out daggers of ice towards my direction. If they find me dead one day, they'll know who to blame.'_ Ken didn't really mean to be so cynical, he just had a very rough day and Aya just wasn't helping. 

He was getting ready for bed when Ken remembered that the next day, he had the afternoon shift with Aya, yet again. Just great. Wearily, he dragged himself to his bed and fell asleep almost instantly. Unfortunately his dreams wouldn't give him a moment's peace either. He tossed and turned and kicked the blankets off his bed yet his dream still held him captive and wouldn't let him wake up. 

What seemed like hours later, Ken thought he saw Aya in his dream. Aya was shaking him lightly and giving him something. _'Water, that's what he's doing, he's giving me water.'_ The realization didn't shock his sleepy mind and right after drinking, he settled back down. Surprisingly, he saw Aya bend down, pick the blanket off the floor, and put it over him. Aya then turned around and walked silently to the door. 

The rest of the dream was very vague and Ken couldn't make much sense out of it. Everything was in black and white and he saw scenes from his past, yet the scenes didn't disturb him as much as he thought they would. He saw himself playing soccer with Kase, his best friend. He saw the J-league and his coach congratulating him for another victory. He saw the burning building, Kase being dragged away, and then black. He saw the flower shop and it was crowded with girls. He saw Youji flirting and Aya yelling at the girls to buy something or to get out. Then he saw himself, he was laughing and joking with Omi. _'I am so happy, why?'_ He thought that maybe it was a special occasion, or a celebration. Then he remembered, he was feeling down that day and his friends tried to help him. Even Aya helped, he chased away the girls and worked on some arrangements that Ken should have done. _'They all care about me so much. Even Aya.'_

Ken awoke with a start and looked around his room. The blanket was still on him and he still remembered his dream so vividly. He got dressed and saw that the clock said that it was 10 o'clock in the morning. He went out the door with a quick goodbye to Youji and a promise that he would be back in time for his shift. He hopped on his motorcycle, zoomed out of the garage and made his way to the clearing. 

* * *

When he reached the lake, he stopped and sat down on the grass. He thought about his dream and thought about his past. This was the first time he deliberately thought about his past and also the first time he didn't flinch inwardly at the memories. Yes, sure, he had some pretty awful memories, but he also realized that he had some very good ones too. His times in the J-league were some of the most happiest times of his life. He remembered celebrating after victories; he remembered training; he remembered his teammates; and he remembered the field and the grass. 

He then thought about being an assassin. He thought about all the deaths he caused and how he was never the same after his first kill. He thought with irony about the cover of a flower shop of all things. He thought about his teammates. He knew that no matter how mad they were and how sometimes they didn't quite see things the same way, he could rely on them to cover for him in a dangerous situation. 

Ken pulled out a sheet of paper and started writing. When he was finally satisfied with what he wrote, he looked at his watch and found out that he should head back to take over his shift. He had spent around 2 hours just reflecting and writing. 

When he got back, he immediately put his apron on and he went to the back room. He put a piece of paper by the gardening materials and then he went to his chores with a renewed strength. 

When Aya came out, Ken looked briefly at him and they locked gazes for a fraction of a second. But Ken had seen it in Aya's eyes, that he understood. With that, he turned back around and continued his work, not missing the brief ghost of a smile that settled on Aya's face. 

* * *

The breeze rustled the curtains and some light shone in the room. The light fell upon one particular piece of paper that was on the bedside drawers in Aya's room. In Ken's writing, there was a poem on the page, it read as follows: 

** Two Sides of Me **

I'm still human  
I make mistakes  
Life has been tough  
Without much breaks

All through the night  
The sounds are still  
In the shadows  
I make my kill

I do not look  
Upon the face  
And when I leave  
I leave no trace

Decisions here  
A choice made there  
Each important  
I give much care

I wear no mask  
And tell no lie  
I am alone  
Until I die

So few to like  
So much to hate  
But I embrace  
The will of Fate

Answers so rare  
I know by now  
Deep in my heart  
I question how

Always choosing  
Who I should be  
Yet still hiding  
Two sides of me

_ Aya,   
I wish I could be more graceful and drop less things, but I am just plain clumsy. I really am trying to work on it and I just hope you can find the patience to accept my faults. ~Ken _

* * *

The atmosphere improved greatly at Koneko, because one assassin found that their lives weren't so different after all, that everyone has their faults and that his willingness to understand had meant the world to the other one. 

Aya snapped out of his daze and looked at Ken one more time before shaking his head and sweeping up the dirt from the latest pot that Ken had broke. 

~Owari~ 

* * *

**A/N: As I said, I am toying with the idea of a prequel, how Ken found the clearing, what had happened the first part of the day and stuff. I wanted to use Aya's name Ran, but I decided that since the assassins don't really know that his name is really that, then it would seem out of place in an omniscent/Ken POV. **

Well, I am done. I hope this story was easy to understand and if it isn't then email me at hellsdarktenshi@hotmail.com 


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